Author: Justin Cates

Chronic Illnes, For Family & Friends

So This is the New Year….

Justin Cates

I’m proud of my wife.

This isn’t an effort to win points in some imaginary husband contest or to impress the Internet with how thoughtful I am. There is no scoreboard in a relationship and if there is, you should probably run away from that situation with haste.

No, I’m just stating a fact. I’m proud of her intelligence and grace under pressure. Her gentle touch when handling problems. And of course, her ability to navigate the uneasy waters of chronic illness.

I myself am a less reliable captain of my own vessel. I have a tendency to lose focus and drift off course. I find myself making questionable choices in the face of difficulty or simply serving as an unreliable narrator in my own story.

I for example rarely know what day it is without looking it up and I’ve always struggled with remembering the current year. That was frequently a situation in the before times. I suspect it’s a permanent state for me now after nearly two years of pandemic life.

There are also my semi-frequent excuses which can easily lead to a trend of bad behavior.

‘I can eat this. I can drink that. It doesn’t matter I’m screwed either way.’

This is a comfortable mindset to fall into when burdened by the weight of genetics.

My family history strongly suggests that I’ll either live to be ancient and lose all mental faculties during my waning years, or—and this is more likely—go out due to heart disease just about the time I’m eligible to collect social security payments.

Given that, it’s not hard at all to throw my hands in the air and do whatever I like.

Except it’s not quite that simple.

I have a great wife and plenty of family who care about me, even if it feels like it’s getting smaller as the years go by. At the risk of sounding full of myself, the world is unquestionably better with me in it and I can line up dozens of witnesses to attest to that your honor.

I’ve thought about this quite a bit recently after a death in my family and another on my wife’s side of things. It’s true that we can’t outrun genetics or consume some magic elixir to cure what ails us. We do however have the ability to take control of the things that are in our power to control.

Whether it’s getting some more exercise or just showing a little restraint in our diets, there are plenty of choices we can make daily to improve our standing in the cosmic calculus of life and death.

This is not however a call to action to live a clean and virtuous life. That friends is for suckers.

Take some chances, indulge yourself every now and then. Eat some cake, have too many drinks, spend an entire weekend without putting on real pants or leaving the couch. Life without these things mixed in once in a while isn’t the rich tapestry we deserve.

All work and no play makes Jack a real dull bastard, ya know?

The turning of the calendar into a new year can be a daunting time to make changes. I hate it myself, partly because it’s an extraordinary cliche. Like Ben Gibbard once said:

So this is the new year. And I have no resolution. It’s self-assigned penance. For problems with easy solutions.”

Death Cab For Cutie

It also bothers me because it puts too much pressure on the person making an effort. The weight of genetics is a heavy burden to carry but so too is the weight of a New Year’s resolution. So maybe just don’t do that.

Try and take it as things come and say to yourself, “It’s another year that I won’t remember on a daily basis. Maybe I won’t take that personally. I’ll just try and do better when I can.”

It’s a modest beginning but sometimes the best ones are just that.

For Diabetics, For Family & Friends, For Medical Professionals, Type 1 Diabetes, Uncategorized

We’re Back!

Justin Cates

We’re back, baby! 

So what have we been doing? 

Well…it’s been a few months. The pandemic rages on and I…well, I’m still a diabetic.

I say that line with some jest, though it is of course, honestly true.

We’ve been very fortunate here at The Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic to have zero members of our little team infected with COVID-19 and we’ve been truly fortunate that the few immediate family members we collectively have that had COVID were able to weather it without issues or complications.

That said, COVID-19 certainly has changed things in the world, and it definitely caused me, THE friendly neighborhood diabetic to struggle with my own health, well-being, overall sense of progress, productivity in anything outside of work, etc. That has made the work on our website, and The Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic as a whole, challenging. It’s also made the overall diabetes thing challenging.

I’ve been working hard on getting better overall diabetes management, working on losing weight, working on overhauling my diet and work-life balance, etc. throughout the pandemic times. I’ve taken advantage of the work from home world to help improve my food schedule. I took up cycling during the pandemic (more on that later!), and I’ve told you all of these things to say…

Another year of diabetes done and waaaayyyy more content to come!

We’re relaunching The Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic with the goal of providing information, building a supportive online community, and creating awareness, acceptance, and support for the needs of diabetics everywhere. Similar to our previous goals, but with more focus this time.

I think the pandemic has created different situations and feelings for everyone. For some of us, the pandemic helped us gain perspective and build balance. For others it was a time of tremendous loss and suffering. For others, and I imagine for many like me it provided new insight and reflection into managing my health and finding balance.

So that leads me to my “call to action”. We want to hear your stories. Record a short video, send us an audio clip, write something, draw something, etc. and share it with us for The Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic. Share with our readers and be a part of building this community. Check out the “Share Now” page to learn more about how to be a part.

Please note that we want stories and content from all people who have been impacted by diabetes; not only the individuals with diabetes themselves, but the friends, loved ones, teachers, mentors, etc. of diabetics everywhere. Type 1, Type 2, Warriors, Family, Friends, etc. Please Share! 

Now, if you’re a critic (we all are sometimes!), you’re probably thinking, “Megan. You’ve left and come back before. What’s different this time?” 

And that’s a fair question! 

Simply put, a renewed resolve, more resources, better planning, and lots more voices will make this different. 

Also-we have some exciting announcements and life changes coming in the next several months-so stay tuned for that! 

Looking forward to sharing more about our experience and returning to writing as The Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic! 

-Meg

For Family & Friends, Type 1 Diabetes

Sometimes We Lose Someone

Justin Cates

Alarm bells greeted me as the elevator doors opened.

The waiting area was the typical hospital scene. Aging copies of Home & Garden and Popular Mechanic were strewn about over tired coffee tables. Those were surrounded by haphazard chairs and one sad television playing the local weather on an endless loop.

Added to the mix were my brother and father. They were both milling about anxiously and looked like they had been crying, or were about to.

I instantly knew what was going on.

“That’s her,” my brother confirmed.

 

After decades as a Type 1 Diabetic, my mother’s health had been steadily deteriorating due to issues with her heart and kidneys. She had been in and out of the hospital for months, but this time had felt different.

She’d begun to collect fluid in her legs and eventually her lungs as a result of the heart and kidneys struggling to function properly. This made breathing a challenge, but options were limited as any solutions would tax her already overburdened systems.

About 10 minutes before I walked through those elevator doors she had gone into cardiac arrest.

After a few numb minutes as the latest member of our strange family gathering, the doctor came out with a forlorn look on his face. He explained that they were still working on her, but that they hadn’t had any success to that point.

I knew they needed to stop and said something to that effect out loud. My Dad tearfully agreed. The doctor attempted to console us as best he could. I remember he hugged us both. I think my brother had snuck off towards the room. 

 

This is an outcome that I would imagine many in this community don’t care to think about. I don’t blame anyone for that. I also know that it’s important to confront the realities of the potential negative outcomes of this disease, both for patients and caregivers alike.

Seeing the things I’ve witnessed has only heightened my previous concerns with respect to caring for my fiancé. It adds some strain to keeping the balance between being a concerned partner and not being overbearing.

I always worry, but I also know Megan is a brilliant, fully formed adult who has been living successfully with T1D for nearly 30 years.   

I’ll always remember my final conversation with my mother. She was struggling to speak but when she found out that Megan had come to the hospital and was out in the same waiting area we’d be in the next night, she gasped between breaths that I needed to take care of her and get her home.

She was more concerned with Megan’s oft-embattled immune system than her own.

Finding the right blend of concern and trust is a difficult thing, and something I’ll probably write about in the future. It’s an ongoing battle, but one that’s unquestionably worth fighting.